End of an Era?

Hi Everyone

So recently I have been going through a rough time in life and haven't really had the time to write a blog post but I have time tonight so here goes. Todays blogpost is going to be a bit of a downer but I kind of need to have a rant/moan so where else than my own blog.

So for the past few months I have been going through a rough time in regards to my future in musical theatre, having a hell of a lot of self doubt and knock backs. To be honest I have constantly been knocked back recently and I am well aware that Musical Theatre is basically being knocked back and told no. But being 17 and watching all your friends get chances and constantly getting roles is very depressing when you are either in the background or not chosen at all. Its gotten to the point where I can't take it anymore and MT isn't worth it. It's the universe telling me to stop and I have finally realised this.  

All I have wanted is for someone to actually give me a chance, for me to show people what I can do and that I can actually do it. But in my 17 years of existing, I haven't been given that chance and I don't think I ever will be. People are too quick to pick their favourites or people they've worked with before and as I'm no ones favourite or first choice I never get roles or featured parts. 

The only people who have ever really helped me or given me some sort of chance was my singing teacher Sharon and dance teacher Rachel. Sadly I have stopped my dance and voice lessons recently due to my lack of confidence and as I finally realise that I have no talent and obviously won't improve from them. I could be on the talent levels of Angela Lansbury, Judi Dench and Barbra Streisand and I'd never get lead roles, because I'm no ones first choice. I am utterly heartbroken that I've quit my voice lessons and dance class because I genuinely loved them, especially singing with Sharon. I had lessons with her for 5 years and she is one of my favourite people who has always been there for me and been a massive supporter when I was at my highest and and she picked me up and kept me going when I was at my lowest. Rachel at dance was the first person to ever say that I wasn't useless at dance and she taught me everything about dance.

Sure I could go back, and I might at some point in the future, but my passion has gone. I felt like this wasn't a choice but that people being confidence destroying arseholes have forced me to quit. 

I am also in the process of trying to leave college.

Now I feel very lost because I don't have a purpose or a future and I don't know what to do. I'm not good enough for Musical Theatre (as I'm constantly told) but this is all I have ever known. Its been 17 years of nothing and has got me no where. My future is looking quite bad at the moment as my dreams are pretty much dead and I can't come up with any new dreams as my life has been Musical Theatre since I can remember. I just wished someone told me I was so bad and untalented at a younger age so I wouldn't be going through hell right now and wouldn't have wasted my life on a dream that'll never come true.

Sorry this has been a bit of a down blogpost but my life is very down at the moment. I don't know what I'm gonna do now.

Hope you are all doing better than me and I'll be back blogging more soon.

Charlotte x